Intimacy Issues

Causes of Intimacy Issues And Help In Resolving Them.

Intimacy is a broad term that describes a strong bond between two people.  Intimacy includes both emotional and physical intimacy and therefore a person can experience both emotional and/or physical issues. 

Typically both emotional and physical intimacy issues stem from a prior experience that have left us feeling unloved, betrayed or rejected in some manner.  Children can develop issues with intimacy from “dysfunctional” parents.  A man or woman can develop issues in intimacy from a previous abusive relationship.  A survivor of sexual abuse can have a problem with intimacy.  These are just a couple of examples to demonstrate the type of origins of intimacy issues.

Intimacy issues can manifest themselves in a variety of ways.  There are certain signs that we can look for in our relationships to determine if perhaps our partner has intimacy issues.  Having a difficult time expressing feelings of love and caring is one example. 
On an emotional level, you may find a person has issues with expressing their feelings.  For this person to say “ I love you” would be a difficult thing.  I once spoke with a lady who found expressing this sentiment to her children difficult.  The cause of her intimacy problems are unrelated to her children, but are the result of a childhood experience where she felt unloved and rejected.

Physical intimacy issues can be displayed in many ways.  Covering up to prevent being seen naked is one.  Deliberately avoiding bedtime is another.  A partner who does not like to be touched is yet another.

As well as the emotional and physical issues, there could also be a health reason for intimacy issues.  Men can experience erection problems.  They can have difficulty getting or keeping an erection, or they may suffer from premature ejaculation.  Impotency is another factor to take into consideration when discussing intimacy issues.  Women may suffer from dyspareunia, which is pain during intercourse, or have a pelvic disorder. 

For both men and women relationship problems may cause intimacy issues.  Stress or anxiety can also cause a problem. 

If either you or your partner is experiencing this type of problem, the first step should be to seek medical attention.  It is essential to rule out any medical conditions that could be a factor.  Barring a health problem, counseling should be the next step.  The objective is to determine the underlying reason for the issue and then you can move forward in resolving the problem.  Openly communicate the situation with your partner and together decide on a course of action that works for both of you.  Between you, trying to understand what the problem could be may lead to the situation being resolved.

If the problem appears to be emotional rather than physical try couple’s counseling.  Often times going together to talk to someone can open up the conversational flow between the two of you.

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