Sexual Humiliation: Recovering From Bedroom Blunders.

Posted on January 27th, 2010

Most of us have experienced sexual humiliation at one time or another.  Sometimes a smile is all it takes to smooth over a sexual mishap, but sometimes you’re doomed to completely crash and burn.  It doesn’t matter how old you are, or how experienced you think you’ve become – every once in a while, you’ll find yourself the victim of a sexual slip-up.

How do you recover with your dignity intact?  Check out the follow tips for recovering from bedroom blunders:

Combating Clumsiness
When you’re caught up in the moment, it’s inevitable that sometimes you’re going to lose control of your limbs.  No one likes taking an elbow to the stomach, getting their hair yanked out, or knocking foreheads together, but it’s not the end of the world.  Everyone makes little mistakes like these, so keep going without hesitation.  A quick “Sorry!” is all that’s required in this situation, because when you act like somethings a big deal, your partner will too.   Don’t waste time dwelling on the negative aspects of your night.  Besides, sometimes having a bruise or two to commemorate your night of passion is hot!

Dealing With Dirty Talk
You might think dirty talk is sexy, but your partner might think it’s trashy.  If your dirty talk gets a negative reaction, don’t freak out and don’t let awkward silence take over.  The most fun way to deal with unwelcome dirty talk is to turn the situation into a game. Tell your partner that it’s their turn to think of the strangest, dirtiest, most unsexy thing a person could say during sex.  Always let them win.

Fighting Bodily Functions
The unexpected appearance of a less-than-desirable bodily function is awkward, but the remedy is simple: laugh it off!  Your partner isn’t perfect either.  You can turn this situation into a game too, by blaming the incident on your partner and teasing them in a playful (but not overpowering or mean) way. You’ll be twice as attractive if you’re comfortable cracking jokes and making fun of yourself.

Crossing Comfort Zones
If you find that you’ve crossed a boundary that you shouldn’t have, just apologize. Sooth the situation by making sure that your partner knows that you respect them and their boundaries, and that you would never intentionally put them in a situation in which they felt uncomfortable.

I can’t guarantee that you’ll never make a bedroom blunder again, but I can guarantee that you can learn to recover from any mishap gracefully, keeping your Cassanova status intact!  Remembering these sexual tips can save the night; or day.

Play Dates Aren’t Just For Kids!

Posted on January 27th, 2010

Everybody needs a good play date every once in a while.

No, I’m not talking about the kind that involves Legos and juice boxes…I’m talking about the kind that involves sexy people looking for a little fun with other sexy people.

A play party isn’t everyone’s idea of a good Saturday night, but if you find yourself feeling adventurous, they’re an experience well worth having.  If you’re curious about discovering why play dates aren’t just for kids anymore, read on for more information about what to expect from an erotic event…

• Most parties only invite couples or single women, but if you search hard enough you can find parties that allow single men to attend as well.

• Parties are either “on premise” or “off premise.”  At on premise parties, sexual activity is allowed at the venue.  Off premise parties are for socializing only.

• Don’t over-think things.  Am I too old?  Am I too young?  Am I not pretty enough, or not the right weight?  Guests are play parties are an extremely diverse group of people.  While they do share a few traits – discretion, friendliness, maturity – their physical characteristics are completely varied.

• Don’t stress out too much about what to wear – you should wear whatever makes you feel comfortable and sexy.  Many people come in lingerie, revealing club wear, or fetish attire, but others wear street clothes or look like they just left the office!

• Communication is key.  If you’re attending with a serious relationship partner, be sure to discuss the event beforehand.  Make sure you’re both on the same page about what you’re comfortable with, what you hope to get out of the night, and what the rules are.

• Never allow yourself to feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to do.  There are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part erotic party-goers are very respectful of each other.  Don’t hesitate to say “No” if you’re not interested in playing with someone, and respect a “No” instantly if someone says it to you.

Lifestyle events allow like-minded people to connect with each other on multiple levels.  Anything goes, whether you’re just interested in meeting new people and spending an evening grooving on the dance floor, you’re looking for a night of casual flirting, or you’re planning for an experimental romantic rendezvous in the back room.  Whatever your interests and comfort level, you’ll find a party that suits you.

Posted in Dating Tips

3 Dating Tips For Men That Your Mother Never Told You!

Posted on January 21st, 2010

Every woman is a wealth of dating tips for men. 

Are they well-intentioned?  Yes.  

Are they useful?  Not always.

“Wear clean underwear,” “Shower before your date,” and “Don’t spend the entire dinner holding a conversation with her cleavage” are solid dating tips for men, but the women in your life often leave out important advice.  Unfortunately, most women have a limited understanding of how female attraction works – they experience it, but they don’t analyze it.  Here are 3 dating tips for men that your mother never told you:

1) There’s no such thing as the Three Day Rule.  There is absolutely no reason to wait three days before calling, emailing, or texting a girl you’re interested in.  The infamous Three Day Rule was created with the sole intention of eliminating neediness, because neediness is one of the biggest attraction killers for women.  Calling a woman the day after you meet her and telling her that you’ve cancelled all your plans for that night so you can see her sounds desperate, but calling her the day after you meet her and telling her that you and your friends are going to see a cool new band play at a local bar, and she’s welcome to join if she’d like, does not.  Though this is one of the most prevalent dating tips for men in existence, it’s completely wrong.

2) Play the male gender role to attract women who are playing the female gender role.  Traditionally, the man must be the provider-protector while the woman fulfills the role of nurturer.  Society has changed these roles a little – men must now be social providers, while women must be empathizers (people who feel what other people feel) – but gender roles are no less important.  Be dominant without being domineering to increase attraction in women.

3) You should never “get lucky.”  So many of the phrases we use to describe dating and relationships – from “getting lucky” to “falling in love” – imply that the occurrence was an accident.  A man who is truly great with women, however, knows that he is in complete control over his success.  You are responsible for everything, good and bad, that happens to you, so actively create situations in which good things occur – don’t wait for them to find you.

Arm yourself with these lesser-known dating tips for men, and you will transform your dating life dramatically!

Posted in Dating Tips

3 Dating Tips For Women That You Didn’t Learn On “Sex And The City”

Posted on January 18th, 2010

Search the Internet for “dating tips for men” and you’ll find thousands of sites claiming to change your life…but what about dating tips for women?  Most relationship experts seem to think that women are only interested in learning how to keep a man, not how to date a man successfully.  Dating is an equally important topic, so here are 3 Dating Tips for Women That You Didn’t Learn on “Sex and the City”…

1) If you set your expectations low, he’ll meet them.  If your expectations are high, he’ll meet those instead.  Humans are built to fulfill intentions and expectations.  That means that you cannot afford to overlook rude comments or behavior that is inappropriate or disappointing.  A person is only able to be as good as you expect him or her to be.  When you set the bar high and assume that a man will reach it, he will.

2) You are not auditioning.  If this were the 1950s, a list of dating tips for women would probably include things like “Press his trousers each morning!” and “Be sure that dinner is waiting on the table every evening when he comes home from work!”  But this is the 21st century, and dating tips for women have changed dramatically. It is not your job to try to impress him at all times, and independence is one of the sexiest traits a woman can have.  Don’t rearrange your schedule for him and stop catering to his every whim. Always maintain a life outside of your relationship – the better that life is, the more he will want to be a part of it. 

3) Women are not attracted to money; they’re attracted to what money symbolizes.  On the surface, being wealthy just means having a lot of money.  But women are incredibly intuitive – they understand that being wealthy actually represents a whole lot more.  A wealthy man most likely holds a powerful position professionally, and a man who holds a powerful position professionally is generally a leader of some kind.  A leader, by definition, has followers.  If people are following someone, they do so because they gain value from being around that person and, consequently, are happier.  A man with the ability to make those around him feel happier and more valuable is irresistibly attractive.

Approach relationships with these dating tips for women, and your romantic life will improve drastically!

Posted in Dating Tips

Dating And Age: Is It Really Just A Number?

Posted on January 17th, 2010

“Cougar.”  “Cradle robber.”  “Gold digger.”  “Jailbait.”  “May-December romance.”  “Boy toy.”  “Lolita.”

The English lexicon is packed with disparaging terms used to describe relationships between people who are dating and have a large gap in their ages.  When marriages were arranged merely for convenience, like monetary gain or a raise in social status, age differences were not uncommon.  In fact, they were often the norm.  These days, however, an older man who dates a younger woman is often accused of taking advantage of her, while a younger man who dates an older woman is teased about having “mommy-issues” or being a kept man.

Which point of view is the reality?  When it comes to dating Is age ever really just a number?  Before embarking on a serious relationship in which an age gap is involved, consider the following questions:

Are you in tune with your partner’s concerns?
It’s true that you are dating a person, not a birth date, but age and experience will still factor into your relationship.  If you are dating someone older, they might feel threatened by people in your life that they perceive as more attractive because they are younger.  They may also worry that you are missing out on vital life experiences by being with them.  If you are dating someone younger, he or she might feel inadequate when compared to your older, more mature acquaintances.  Make sure that your partner never feels that they are lacking in any way.

Are you heavily influenced by the opinions of others?
You are likely to encounter many questions and criticisms regarding your relationship – if you can’t handle them without getting hurt, a relationship with an age gap is probably not for you.

What are your long-term relationship goals?
An age difference may not seem like a problem at first, but it might become an issue as the relationship progresses.  What if one person plans to retire and then travel, while the other is stuck in one place working or finishing a degree?  What if one person is ready to get married and have a family, and the other is not? For a relationship with an age gap to work, both partners must have similar life plans.

If you are serious about making your relationship work, it can turn into a wonderful short-term learning experience or a strong long-term bond.  So take a chance – broaden your horizons and give yourself the opportunity to gain a new perspective on life and relationships.

Posted in Dating Tips

Surviving A Breakup With Style

Posted on January 10th, 2010

It’s time to tackle a tough topic: the breakup.  The ugly truth is that no matter how it happens, and no matter how many times it happens, it’s still going to hurt.
But if we can’t avoid the initial pain, we can at least avoid acting like spoiled children, nearly being the cause of restraining orders, completely losing touch with reality, and generally acting like psychotic basket cases!
Breaking up with style requires you to remember four basic ideas: consideration, maturity, honesty, and self-respect.  Let’s look at each one in depth…
Consideration: It will seem like torture, but you must be considerate of your ex.  You may not like his decision, but you also have to accept that he had every right to make it.  Resist all urges to break his dishes or key his car!  Don’t keep calling, don’t keep texting, don’t keep emailing.  Don’t visit places you know he likes.  If you take your anger and hurt out on him, he’ll quickly begin to think less of you (and he’ll assume you’re totally insane, and therefore that he was completely right to break up with you in the first place!). 
Maturity: Being in a relationship requires a great deal of maturity – and so does breaking up.  We say and do lots of pointless things to try to make ourselves feel better after a relationship has ended.  Hiding in your apartment with a month’s worth of Ben & Jerry’s, for example, is not a particularly adult way to handle the situation.  Nor is asking your friends to drop hints to your ex about how hot you look now and how great your life is with your sexy new man.  Instead of allowing yourself to fall into the trap of childish thoughts and actions, look at your breakup from a mature, positive point of view – you’ve learned valuable lessons that will improve your next relationship!
Honesty: Be truthful with yourself about why your relationship didn’t work.  Odds are, the fault doesn’t lay completely with him.  Use your breakup as an opportunity to learn from your mistakes.  Also take care that you don’t try to convince yourself that the breakup is temporary.  View the situation as permanent (at least until concretely proven otherwise!) and begin moving on.  Waiting around for an ex to change his mind will only make you feel worse about the situation.
Self-Respect: Do not ever allow thoughts like “I didn’t deserve him” or “I don’t belong in a good relationship” to cross your mind (especially if you do so because he told you those things!).  You deserve a healthy relationship with a loving, caring partner.  Treat yourself well during a breakup by focusing on the immense power of positive thinking.  If you tell yourself that your breakup is the end of the world, it just might be.  Instead, tell yourself that there are lots of new men to meet and that the next one will be better.

Keep these 4 ideas in mind and you’ll survive all your breakups with dignity, grace, and your sanity intact!

Posted in Dating Tips

Are You “Girlfriend Material?”

Posted on January 3rd, 2010

Every girl grows up dreaming of her Prince Charming, the man who is so perfect that she falls in love with him instantly and lives happily ever after.
The question is…do men do the same thing?  Does every man you meet have a vision of his perfect girl – his Princess Charming – in his head?
The answer is yes.
I know what you’re thinking – “What is this girl like?  How do I learn to be like her?  How do I become Princess Charming?”  Read on for a few suggestions on how to become perfect girlfriend material…
· Be feminine but don’t be prissy.  If he wanted to be dating someone masculine, he’d be dating a man!  Embrace your inner girly-ness and throw on a skirt and your favorite pair of heels every once in a while.

· Have a good sense of humor.  Women almost always list “A good sense of humor” as one of the top traits they want in a boyfriend.  It’s no different for men.  Relax!  Learn to take a joke, and to dish them back out.

· Accept his flaws.  Think about it – you love the fact that he tells you you’re beautiful in the mornings, or that he thinks you’re sexy even when you haven’t shaved your legs in a week, so return the favor.  So what if he sometimes leaves the seat up?  You’re not perfect – he doesn’t have to be either.

· Have a life outside of your relationship.  Don’t focus all your time and energy on your man.  He’ll start to feel stifled, and he’ll lose respect for you.  Eat dessert.  Travel.  Spend time with your friends.  Work a job you love.  Be independent and love your life (he’ll love it too, and dread not being a part of it!).

· Find balance.  Evolutionarily, men are dominant and women are submissive.  Life has changed considerably since we crawled out of the primordial ooze, but traces of the same psychology remain.  In order to feel confident and successful, a man must feel that he is in control of the things that are important to him.  At the same time, however, men don’t find weak, dependent, needy women attractive.  Be strong, but not threateningly aggressive.

· Be confident with your sexuality.  When you’re girlfriend material, you understand how to be sexy without being skanky.  Take pride in your body.  Be flirtatious.  Initiate sex.  Communicate what you want.  Be a little bit adventurous.  You are self-assured, in control, and completely irresistible!

· Don’t be needy.  Clinginess is one of the biggest turnoffs for a man.  Don’t be upset if he can’t spend time with you.  Don’t act jealous or suspicious if he mentions the name of another woman.  Don’t bombard him with text messages and phone calls.

· Work towards your dreams.  A woman who is ambitious and motivated is incredibly sexy.  Set goals and work towards them.  He’ll be impressed by your determination, and inspired to improve himself.

Follow these tips and you’ll soon become the girl he can’t bear to be without!

Posted in Dating Tips

5 Dating Dealbreakers

Posted on December 14th, 2009

Let’s face it – women are not perfect, no matter how hard we try.
I know, I know…it’s a shocking concept.  Bear with me.
We all have our faults, our physical flaws, our emotional weaknesses, our bad habits, our strange quirks, and our devious ideas.  Most of these are innocent – just the result of your unique biology and psychology – but some will wreck havoc on your love life if expressed while you’re in a relationship.  These are the dating dealbreakers, and must be avoided at all costs.
To help you start learning to identify and vanquish these treacherous traits, I’ve compiled a handy list of 5 of the most common dating dealbreakers perpetrated by clueless women.   Check it out:
1) Constantly exhibiting a pessimistic outlook on life: This is a trap that you can fall into as early as the first date – the first meeting, even!  Men and women are attracted to people who bring positivity into their lives.  If you consistently talk about things that upset you, people you dislike, and past failures (whether they be with men you dated previously, other aspects of your personal life, or your career), you seem like someone who is always unhappy – and that definitely doesn’t make you relationship material.
2) Focusing too much on the future: Believe the stereotype – men are scared of commitment, and no amount of cajoling is going to convince him to settle down before he’s ready.  Stop talking about the gorgeous engagement ring your friend was just given, or how much you can’t wait to be pregnant, or he’ll run as quickly as possible in the opposite direction.  Live in the moment, and enjoy it!
3) Being mean or rude to others: Even if you’re always on your best behavior with him, your man will lose respect for you if you treat everyone else around you poorly.  Be kind to his friends and family – their opinions of you do matter to him!  Be polite to your waiters, to cab drivers, to salespeople, etc.  Don’t nitpick and criticize other women.  You will come off as jealous, offensive, and insecure.
4) Acting like his mom: He already has one – he doesn’t need another.  Drop the “holier than thou” attitude that many women develop.  He doesn’t need you to tell him how best to do his job, or that he should eat more vegetables if he wants to be healthy.  Look after him, but don’t baby him.  Men’s self-confidence relies heavily on the need to feel like they can take care of themselves (and you!).
5) Allowing your life to revolve around your man: Few things are more unattractive to a man than neediness.  Don’t spend all your time with him.  Don’t always demand to know where he is and who he’s with, or ditch your own friends to see him more often.  And definitely don’t change yourself to try to become what you think he wants in a woman.  Men respect individuality and independence.

This isn’t a comprehensive list, but if you learn to break out of these 5 damaging patterns, you’ll be well on your way to forming happier, healthier, longer-lasting relationships!

Posted in Dating Tips

Myths About Cheating – The Facts And The Fabrications

Posted on November 15th, 2009

42-15840754“Men cheat more than women.”  “Cheating is just about sex.”  “If he cheats once, he’ll definitely cheat again.”

If you’ve ever been involved in a relationship, you’ve heard a thousand different facts about cheating.  But are they all correct? 

While some certainly are, society – especially when it comes to films and television shows – perpetuates countless “truths” about cheating that, in fact, aren’t true at all.  Let’s take a look at a few of the most common facts and fabrications:

Cheating Myth #1 – Men cheat more than women: Once upon a time this was true, but these days studies have shown that men and women cheat with relatively equal frequency.  They do, however, tend to have different reasons for cheating, and women are more likely to feel guilty for their actions (though they are also more likely to get away with it, as women have been proven to be better liars than men).

Cheating Myth #2 – Cheating is just about sex: Illicit sex is a thrilling idea for many people, but reasons for cheating largely tend to vary between men and women.  Men are better at separating the ideas of love and sex in their minds, so it’s quite possible for a man to have an affair that is solely about physical enjoyment.  Women, on the other hand, tend to connect the two ideas, and therefore have affairs because they are seeking some kind of emotional fulfillment that they feel they do not receive from their partner.

Cheating Myth #3 – If he cheats once, he’ll cheat again: Sorry girls…this one is true!

Cheating Myth #4 – It’s not cheating if there wasn’t any sex: Emotional infidelity can happen even when physical infidelity doesn’t.  A person – male or female – can form a deep, passionate bond (platonic though it may be) that turns into romantic love whether or not sex is involved.  This kind of cheating often applies to open relationships as well.

Cheating Myth #5 – Cheating means he doesn’t love you: Being cheated on is a heartbreaking experience, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t loved.  Because men are more capable of separating sex from romantic feelings, they find it easy to have a physical relationship with someone that doesn’t interfere with their emotional relationship with someone else. 

Cheating Myth #6:Cheating can be a good thing for a relationship: Almost always false.  All parties involved might learn a lot about themselves, their relationships, and the kind of people they want to date, but ultimately infidelity means that one partner didn’t respect the other enough to adhere to an agreement – to be monogamous – they made with the other, and instead felt that lying and sneaking around were appropriate courses of action.

While it’s beneficial to keep these 6 ideas in mind if you encounter infidelity, the most important thing to consider is your own feelings.  Do you feel that he cheated?  Are you hurt by his actions?  Do you feel that sex and love do not have to go hand-in-hand and therefore that multiple kinds of relationships are possible at once?  You decide what constitutes infidelity, and then respond accordingly.

Jealousy; Defeating The Green-Eyed Monster

Posted on November 11th, 2009

A2G2186Jealousy is almost guaranteed to be a factor in any relationship you enter.  Though it comes in many forms, all are extremely detrimental to the health of your relationships and your emotional wellbeing.  It is important to learn how to deal with jealousy in a useful, nourishing, productive way.  With a little bit of hard work and dedication, the green-eyed monster can be defeated.

Jealousy, in many ways, is not actually a result of the actions of a partner, though it may seem to be initially.  Instead, it is the form in which our own insecurities – about things like desirability, adequacy, and worthiness – manifest.  It can appear in numerous forms (or several different forms at once), such as anger, fear, sadness, envy, and anxiety. 

The first step to overcoming jealousy is to identify its cause.  Ask yourself questions about your experience (and be completely honest with yourself when you answer!).  What situations cause you to feel jealous?  In what forms does your jealousy appear?  How are you currently reacting to experiencing the negative emotion?  What effect is it having on your relationship?

Be prepared to be confronted with a wave of powerful, unpleasant, unpredictable emotions – this is a very sensitive situation with no simple solution.  Because every individual experiences jealousy in a unique way, experimentation is required to learn to tackle jealousy in the way that works best for you.  Expecting instant change is likely to lead to disappointment, so try to be patient and concentrate on fully understanding your needs and the needs of your partner.  The feelings of both people in the relationship must be considered in order to arrive at a viable solution, and it’s possible that compromises will need to be made to ensure that everyone’s needs are adequately met.

One common destructive thought that often occurs during this process is that if your partner was truly happy with you – or if you were a better wife, lover, or girlfriend – he wouldn’t have any desire to get involved with anyone else.  This is not only frequently incorrect (because men are perfectly capable of loving someone and being in a satisfying relationship while still being interested in a physical relationship with someone else), it’s incredibly harmful to you emotionally.  Do not allow yourself to think that you are to blame for your partner’s actions, and that you are solely responsible for the success or failure of your relationship. 

Once you have discovered what is triggering your jealousy, you can begin to eradicate it.  Put it into perspective – the things that are making you jealous are just a small part of your otherwise good relationship!  Now you can fix the situation by either 1) Talking to your partner and agreeing on what behavior is acceptable and what is unacceptable or 2) Taking a psychological approach and treating your jealousy the way a psychiatrist would treat a phobia.  To do so, expose yourself gradually to situations that you know will make you jealous until you feel comfortable in them and have learned to suppress the emotion.

If you accept that jealousy is a natural part of relationships, you can learn to defeat it!

Posted in Relationship Talk